I can't blog today

I have the Wii. Normal life will probably resume once I've finished the new Zelda game. Oh, and I'm off to the zoo in a few minutes. The weather is fine. Life is good. Groundhog Day is on Comedy Central.

Dusgusted of Tempe

Well, the Phoenix Symphony certainly seem to know what they're doing. Trust me, I'm grade 3 piano and that guy they got in to do the Rachmaninoff is very fast. Just as fun was the bar we went to afterwards where the karaoke machine was running full tilt. It must have been gone 11pm but there was still a family around to walk out disgusted at drunk-guy-at-bar's excellent recall of Eminem lyrics.

I've also seen people walk out of the dreadful Primeval and I don't think it was because it was such a terrible film either. However my favourite disgusted American moment was during a screening of Borat in Prescott last year. The couple walked out at the end of the naked wrestling scene. That was a pretty long scene.

In all, I think that while Americans show a lot of promise at being appauled, outraged and sickened, they really ought to work on their execution some more.

Creature comforts

I have internet already! I wasn't expecting that but my girlfriend sign up for broadband as a surprise for me. She really knows the way to a geek's heart!

The weather is really quite cold in Phoenix at the moment. I'd say it's on a par with October/November in the south of the UK but that doesn't begin to describe the difference in climate. It's incredibly dry here which means that I wake up so dehydrated that I feel like I've been out on the piss the night before and developed a monster hangover. This is incredibly unfair as I've not drunk very much at all so far. However, the weekend is looming which should remedy that little problem.

I came to visit for a couple of weeks late last year with the purpose of trying to figure out if I could live happily in Phoenix. Unfortunately the city is so unlike a city as I know it, that it's hard to size up. I'm told that the only thing you could call a city centre is a bunch of sky scrapers full of office workers. Tempe (the area I'm staying in) also has a centre but I've not seen it yet so it can't be that vital.

Anyway, in a bid to get some sort of impression of Phoenix and to do something completely out of the ordinary (for me anyway) I've booked tickets to see the local symphony orchestra play. Now why go to a desert town in the states to hear classical music played live when I've lived 50 minutes from London for the past ten years? Surely I should be hankering for a trip to a baseball game. (Can't wait for that BTW.) To be perfectly honest, I thought it might be a good excuse to wear a suit I bought last year but it turns out we're going casual 'cos this is the south west. I wonder if they sell chili dogs in the foyer...

Up, up and away!

Right. My coach to the airport leaves in an hour so it's time to finish packing. It's so early here that I just managed to catch my sweetheart going to bed. That's pretty early for me.

Can I interested you in...?

Up until now, I've been getting my affairs in order - not in a morbid way although now would be a really great time to be hit by a bus. I've mostly been trying to get rid of some of the junk that I've accumulated over the years with much help from the mercenary vultures formerly known as my friends and colleagues. I've also used the services of Oxfam, Shelter and Freecycle.

Having such a major clear-out is both sad and liberating. The stuff that I don't want anymore says things about the person I was at certain points in the past... but in a really space-consuming way.

Most of it's gone now but there are still a few items left to jettison. I thought that I had managed to reduce my worldly possessions down to a few boxes but no, there's a huge amount of crap following me around. It's either too trivial or embarrassing to mention or would more suitably benefit someone who hasn't already owned it.

While I'm here, would anyone out there like...

• a Shirley Bassey Remix CD,
• a USB-powered snowman that plays drums or
• an ashtray with a picture of a woman who winks at you when you tilt it?

I find that last item a little creepy. Does stubbing out cigarettes on a woman's face sound healthy to you? Pros and cons I guess.

Collection only. No time wasters please.

And In Conclusion

My name is John (hello). I am about to go and live with my girlfriend in Arizona. Unfortunately, I don't have permission to live in the States. This means that I have to go there as a tourist and return to the UK - my homeland - within 90 days. (Do you see where the title of this blog is going now?) She and I have this cunning plan that while I'm over there, we're going to 'think of something'. Stay tuned as we strain our noodles.